In a recent survey done by the SMA Institute we asked several men in three different cities who they had looked up to as boys. Who did they want to be most like as adults? All except two responded with a superstar figure form the sports or entertainment world, running the gamut from Mickey Mantle to Mick Jagger.
None of the men we interviewed had looming bodyguards protecting them from hordes of autograph seekers. This raised the questions (politely unasked, of course) about why they’d set such unrealistic childhood expectations in the first place.
Being a man and having ultimate respect for my gender, I’m sure most of these guys have “gotten over” not being the superhero they dreamed of and have quite nicely made their way as “the guy next door,” like my friend John who has earned a respectable place in the neighborhood as someone you can count on in a pinch or shoot the breeze with in the front yard.
Manhood is tough enough without getting encumbered with false expectations about which hero you’re expected to become. Since the beginning of mankind, theman in mankind has done most of the heavy lifting. You know, killing woolly mammoths, fighting great wars and such, and he falls behind the curve when it comes to life expectancy of the sexes.
Accomplishing weekly responsibilities to relax on Sunday was once a noble goal. Then in a blink of an eye, in an evolutionary sense, the ante was upped, and our lives slipped into a haze of discontent as identity focused on bigger-than-life superheroes.
Everywhere you look, the media is supplying images of men doing unbelievable things that are far beyond the capabilities of mortal men — these incredible men are “more powerful than a locomotive and able to leap tall buildings with a single bound!”
Leading men (or actors) who appeared to be real always get the girl, win the fight, find the treasure and, in sequel after sequel, never get tired or old. Guys may wonder why they don’t look like Matthew McConaughey or Channing Tatum when they wake up in the morning. Hollywood has refined its movie-making to make unrealistic characters seem more believable than ever. And the public responds with even greater gullibility with desire for better hair, tighter abs, bigger cars, larger houses, and circus sex!
Today, acceptable measure of a man’s worth has been reset by celebrity antics, airbrushed magazine spreads, and superficial sound bites used to sell products that celebrities pitch. Constant bombardment of these false (but seemingly realistic) images is convincing men they need to be “more.”
True to the spirit of manhood, guys in general “man up” to satisfy these unrealistic expatiations by putting in more hours and working harder. They also consume more products showering their families with material things, but in doing so spend less time with those they love, as the media promotes more testosterone-driven consumption with increased sensationalism.
Superhero worship has become big business in America, not only in movies and television, but also in sports and music. As the Average Joe works harder to model these unreal images, his frustration grows. Instead of focusing on strengths and values that would further his own success, he’s chasing a phantom image that can never be bought because it isn’t real. Meanwhile, the salaries of actors, athletes and entertainers skyrocket, driving many of them well beyond the top 1 percent of the nation’s income earners.
In effect, men have created their own nemesis in an endless cycle of paying for a superhero fantasy that can never be achieved. Consequently, sponsors of this non-reality are selling bigger and better products to compensate for perceived inadequacies that further separate men from who they really are. This results in an endless cycle of excessive consumption of material possessions mixed with a Neanderthal mindset of keeping up with the Joneses (or the McConaugheys) requiring men to work harder and longer, removing them from the very activities that would ground them in the real manhood — family, friends and emotional attachment.
We have become a society with an ever-increasing fixation on other people’s lives. This human flaw of false idol worship has been happening for a long time — you may have read about it in the Old Testament—but you’d think mankind would have evolved by now.
During a recent lunch, my young waitress talked obsessively about seeing a rap star and his entourage on a buffet line in Las Vegas. Her constant chatter alluded to a belief that since she could see him “up close and personal,” she too had a degree of star appeal. I saw it as a “famous by association” scenario that satisfied a gaping hole in her ego. The food that day was delicious, but I could hardly stomach the sociological indigestion.
This 21st century affinity for wanting to make other people’s lives our own, or the misconception that being on the VIP list is a qualifier of identity is ludicrous. However, that’s exactly what media messages are designed to do — and men are buying into them. In the middle ages the equivalent of today’s entertainment stars were court jesters who were paid minimal wages. Why are today’s jesters held with such reverence?
You may not look like a movie star or be cut like a male model, but superstars aren’t perfect either. When they go home, they deal with the same realities of most men — relationships, aging and careers. Often they can’t live up to their own media hype, and sometimes their lives end tragically.
So remember this: superstar power comes from you and the famous cannot survive unless you permit it. Directly or indirectly, ordinary people perpetuate the enormous egos and pay for the ridiculous salaries of the super star set. No harm done? Think again. Offering such reverence becomes divisive to a man’s own identity and costly to his own personal power, balance and peace.
Celebrity has gone so far that people are compensated for human flaws. Reality TV has taken star adulation to new levels (or should I say new lows?) as a springboard for boorish behavior, which is rewarded simply through promotion and hype and not performance or achievement.
Where can a person go these days to escape the overdose of non-reality? Even the manly bastion of sports has been comprised. Athletics was once about “getting in the game.” Increasingly, the hype around pro sports has driven more people into watching games rather than playing them. Granted, seeing those who excel at a sporting skill is exciting, but an increasing majority of younger men prefer “virtual” over “actual” participation. Admittedly, there is a place for passive participation, but let’s not giving up the thrill of victory or agony of defeat because a handful of guys made it to the big leagues.
Another group who wants power over us are executives atop the biggest companies and politicians who were elected to represent the people. Instead of service, they are about how to drive consumer spending habits or public policy.
Through all of these scenarios of special interests breathing down the neck of manhood, none of those guys are better than you! Regardless of the fodder served up by the media, all men have flaws, and that’s what’s so beautiful and special about mankind. And the potential to find mutual ground in that commonness can actually catapult us to the next level as a species. It is natural for parents to want their children to be the best they can, but in the big picture, no one is better unless they are truly happy.
Remember the survey I mentioned earlier? All of the men who responded cited superheroes portrayed in the media except for two. Of the two, one gave the name of a United States president (who ironically had been an actor). The other, an African-American man, named his dad. He told us his dad grew up during the civil rights movement and fought in the social trenches of racism to get a leg up. His dad was no stranger to working hard and facing incredible odds.
His, was the answer we had hoped for— as a student of archaeology I’m intrigued by those who came before us to eke out change for a common good. They were not the kind of men who sought approval from fabricated media icons. Rather, they earned admiration for their resilient individualism.
Those genuine male ancestors forged a standard of self, not defined by media idols but by personal strength, without attacks through phones, computers and big screens imploring them to spend more on products to (supposedly) make lives better. Instead those men embodied manhood based on an ideal and the spirit found deep inside, and used that strength to advance. The examples are many, be it millenniums ago or as recently as 200 years ago — when this great country was pioneered by men who found truths to be self-evident and opened the door for all to have an equal chance to reawaken their own American Dream.
